Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. When youre old, the doctor tells you to slow down, not the police. As you grow older, it will avoid you. Web3 great things about getting old and losing your memory 1. 20. Tim struck up a conversation with the only other person in the pool, a five-year-old boy. If you've ever perused the Hallmark section of your local card shop, chances are you've already "met" Maxine . The bartender said, Never mind.. The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Youre going After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery. 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They make a visit to the doctor, who does a thorough check-up, before telling them that there's nothing to worry about, and that this is just a symptom of getting older. "Of course." Related: 2022s Best Senior Jokes About The 4th Of July. The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress. After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, Am I spelling this right? I can look you dead in the face while your talking and not hear a damn word you said! Dont you mean 30 years younger? I asked. 13. Over dinner, I could sense something was bothering my mother, so I asked if anything was wrong. The older brother says that he will work on "Damn" and the younger brother agrees to refine his usage of "Ass". Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's, We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide, social media features, and analyze our traffic. What does a senior name their new ranch? His reply: "We'll I just didn't recognize you!". You told me that I would live to be 96." She leaned across to her husband and whispered, Ive just let go a silent fart. Robin Williams. "But I've got to", said Sam, "my teeth are in it!". 2. On the phone with my 93-year-old brother in Wisconsin, and I told him I thought it was time he paid someone to shovel snow for him. "Id have One of my fourth graders asked my teacher's assistant, "How old are you, Mrs. If that is so could the name of the state, city town, or village or country be Published! I stared in amazement at my homebody grandma. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest lion I ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this, ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!. "Don't worry," she said. You wont see wrinkles when you look in the mirror. One liner tags: age, rude 82.33 % / 1517 votes. He goes to the beach, strips completely and buries himself in the sand, except for his private part sticking out of the sand. WebFirst you forget names, then you forget faces. "They sure grow up fast, dont they?" What are you doing working so late? Oh, those idiots, grumbles the old man. After completing the tour, I stopped at Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Grandma studied it before asking, "What kind of fish is that? Click here to view. Glass? Dont worry about avoiding temptation. 19. I was told that there were three signs that you are getting older. Ive always been a disappointment. Bob Carlson, America's leading retirement expert, reveals the big secret the IRS won't tell you. "Mr. Smith, youre in great shape," says the doctor afterward. Bob, age 92, and Mary, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. Ask her anything! Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. She became young and beautiful. What do stars and dentures have in common? Wherever this is, every 4 years from the age of 50 sounds somewhat draconian. asked Fred. a tenant asked. "Well," said my husband, "I see them in the Kmart parking lot diving for fries.". T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?. What's. Then he began to gather her information. 10. "What does that do? It was his baby. "Oh," she said, walking away. Our favorite museum in town displays quilts from around the country. "No, it's Thursday", said the second. After the fairy left, the handsome man strolled over to her and asked, Now arent you sorry you had me neutered?. Whats a hipster? asked my four-year-old cousin. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. "The old man smiled slyly. "Howd you do it?" "Great," she said. Yes, she admitted. Finally the Doctor asked, Just exactly what are you trying to find out? The old man said, were not trying to find out anything. 34. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a BM., The ninety-year old says, At seven I pee like a horse, at eight I flop like a cow.. White or transparent. At this age, the only joint youre rolling is your ankle. Halfway across, hes startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. 145 views, 2 likes, 6 loves, 16 comments, 1 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Crossroads Baptist Church: Crossroads Baptist Church Live 02/05/2023 Take life lightly and laugh. Ouch, this was some seriously rough honesty. "You should never ask an adults age," I broke in. "They were seated immediately. At my age, the only pole dancing I do is to hold on to the safety bar in the bathtub. And now that Im 80, the damn things are growing wild! Poof! One morning he looks into the mirror and admires his body. He enters the living room and yells again Honey, whats for supper? No answer. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. She Im 82 today (and still crying.). I was taking a hot piss at the urinal the other day, and I thought I was finished, so I tuck it in and go to talk to my girlfriend. he asked. Two little old ladies are strolling along the beach and one looks down and says There is no justice in this world. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. "Thanks," he said. After booking my 90-year-old mother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her needs. My husband cant activate our Amazon Echo, because he keeps forgetting its name, Alexa. One evening he decided to go down to the pond and took a five gallon bucket to pick some fruit. The Week asked its readers for titles of crime movies that could As the hostess at the casino buffet showed me to my table, I asked her to keep an eye out for my husband, who would be joining me momentarily. Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. I asked. Poof! Feeling down about my thinning hair, I told a friend, Soon Ill never need to go back to the beauty salon. At least in the old days, like in West Side Story, the gangs used to dance with each other first. All your relatives keep reminding you how old you are. Every year on my birthday, I remember. For her 40th birthday, my wife said, "Id love to be ten again." "Visiting his parents' retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. Note: this post originally had 133 images. No. But that would ruin his credit. Jeannie Gibbs. At the Nursing Home a man took his elderly father to a nursing home to check it out. ?" Ill ask my wife. He got up, walked into the hallway where his wife was sitting, and shouted, Hey, the doctor wants to know if we still have sex. She loves photography, foreign music and re-watching Forrest Gump. Probably the same thing as everyone. I asked my 91-year-old father, Dad, what were your good old days? I stopped and asked him what was wrong. Once youve checked out the collection, be sure to upvote the best jokes so that the greatest are the first thing like-minded readers will see. "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?" Related: Funny Trivia Questions and Answers. Get weekly tips on housing, retirement living, senior care, and more sent right to your inbox. Happy birthday! Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. 25. Aging gracefully is like the nice way of saying you're slowly looking worse. An elderly couple is invited to eat dinner at another couple's home. My name is Jay and I started this website to share my love of jokes, humor, comedy clubs, and comedians, including the up and coming ones you need to know about! Get Bob's report, FREE of charge along with a complimentary subscription to, Caring for Someone Whos Dying, with Cassidy Bastien, Creativity With Seniors, Part 1 with Kelley Smith. Hes like a machine! What kind of pills were they? asked the friend. As the hostess at the casino buffet showed me to my table, I asked her to keep an eye out for my husband, who would be joining me momentarily. That's when I noticed my son, Ben, staring at my husband's head.He gently touched the slightly thinning spot of hair and said in a concerned voice, "Daddy, you have a hole in your head. "I'd have to say the moonwalk," I replied. An older couple is spending time up in the bedroom before turning in for the night. It wasn't to be. This woman's 90th birthday was coming up and this depressed the poorer son as he knew he could never match his brothers gifts in terms of expense or splendour. "Well, do you drive 10,000 miles a year?" Smiling, Mark teased, "Apparently nothing.". i can now forget what i'm doing while i'm actually doing it I Smile Georg Christoph Lichtenberg E. E. Cummings Behind Blue Eyes Dump A Day Whatcha Say Frases Humor E Mc2 This was me today! Even his son turned up. I thought you were a ghost, says the relieved teen. You have to be in Kahoots with someone. Mria Murillo, "While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi. Why does the mushroom always get invited to birthday parties? What do you get when you freeze dentures? Then you forget to pull up your zipper. In January, my wife, a physician, met with an elderly patient. "What's your age?" The man never took it seriously at first, he figured he was just getting older and blamed it on age. Youll need all the preservatives you can get.